Episode 9
Processing Scarcity & Valuing Initiation ~ With Kelsey, Steph, and Eréndira
This one is a real real real behind the scenes. Listen in on colLaboratory’s manifestors checking in during a moment of anger and perceived scarcity. Kelsey, Steph, Erendira (& briefly Quinn!) recorded a conversation about the sometimes-tension between relaxed, generous initiation and sustainable resourcing.
Together, they relax into layered feelings about:
- Moments of contraction, anger, and scarcity in their processes with initiation & resource
- The difference between selling beginnings versus selling completion or consumption
- The “self-responsibility binary” and the trap of emphasizing internal alchemy over expression of whats present
- Capitalism’s incompatibility with differentiation in general and specifically with the manifestor’s rhythm
- The collective need for new economic imaginations
- The possibility of re-valuing wisdom, rest, and presence as currencies
- How creative experiments like colLaboratory model alternative structures of exchange
And more.
🧪 This episode's Lab Partners:
- Kelsey is a 5/2 Emotional Manifestor with Power View
- Eréndira is a 5/2 Emotional Manifestor with Personal View
- Steph is a 2/4 Emotional Manifestor with Possibility View
You can find more about them and their other lab partners at kelseyrosetort.com/labpartners, including bodygraphs, natal charts, and ways to connect with their work.
💖 Stay tuned: New episodes of LAB PARTNERS are released weekly-ish, usually on the Moon’s day.
Intro & Music by Noah Souder-Russo
Transcript
The laboratory is a space of intimacy and mirroring.
Speaker B:I'm just gonna rip with it and.
Speaker C:See what wants to come out.
Speaker B:Something's happening.
Speaker B:I was just thinking that a lab.
Speaker A:Partner is someone who I can share my incomplete, uncooked, unfinished work with.
Speaker B:Laboratory feels like a laboratory in general is a womb space for all of.
Speaker A:We are mothering and creation.
Speaker A:I'm having an embodied experience.
Speaker B:Vibrant in this container so far.
Speaker B:Relating in ways that feel energetically congruent for me.
Speaker A:Relating to other people and relating to.
Speaker B:Myself and in collaborative community.
Speaker A:As a human who helped me find the lightness and like the humor.
Speaker B:The creative process is fucking dope.
Speaker B:And also it's fucking like humbling.
Speaker A:To.
Speaker B:Fall apart and be witnessed by all of us.
Speaker D:An incubator, a place to generate, to initiate, to guide, to mirror collaboratory stretching my capacity.
Speaker A:Lab Partners is a behind the scenes conversation series amongst eight folks who are in a season of experimentation with creativity, authenticity, relationship, collaboration and visibility.
Speaker A:We're letting you in on our processes as we unpack them together.
Speaker C:Each of us speak the language of human design and some of us astrology as well.
Speaker C:These frameworks for awareness have supported our embodied differentiation and relational understanding.
Speaker C:We invite listeners to observe us through these lenses too.
Speaker B:Today's conversation is between me, Kelsey.
Speaker B:I'm a 52 emotional manifestor with power view and innocence motivation.
Speaker A:Me, I'm Steph.
Speaker A:I'm a 24 emotional manifestor with possibility view and need.
Speaker C:Need.
Speaker A:Thank you.
Speaker C:Oh, no.
Speaker D:Fear.
Speaker C:Fear.
Speaker C:Fear.
Speaker A:Motivation.
Speaker B:Whoa.
Speaker A:Thank you.
Speaker C:And me, Erin Dera.
Speaker C:52 emotional manifester, personal view and innocence motivation.
Speaker B:And Quinn is also here a little bit at the beginning of the conversation.
Speaker B:Our fellow manifestor, 46 emotional manifester with possibility view and need motivation.
Speaker B:That's where I was getting you and Quinn mixed up stuff.
Speaker B:You all can learn about our astrology and designs in the show notes and find even more about us and our other collaborators@kelseyrosetoy.com Lab partners.
Speaker C:Mics.
Speaker B:Oh, mics.
Speaker B:Maybe.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Okay, two minutes.
Speaker B:Our conversation can start about how insecure I am about that.
Speaker C:Perfect.
Speaker D:What do you feel insecure about?
Speaker B:All of it.
Speaker B:I just.
Speaker B:It's like, yeah, being afraid of my impact.
Speaker B:Like, I feel like that was about as close as I get to trying to like, just be direct and trust the energy in my body as it's moving, but like feeling it disappoint you and worrying about the impact on the other four people that like, aren't.
Speaker B:I'm just like, bye, good luck.
Speaker B:I don't know what you're Doing no help from me.
Speaker D:They're going to have fun.
Speaker D:You're sending the kids off to school.
Speaker D:Everything's going to be cool.
Speaker D:And I'm.
Speaker D:I know I'm not wearing a shirt, but I wanted to show my face just to show you that I'm, like, not disappointed.
Speaker B:I mean, you can, you can be disappointed.
Speaker B:It's okay.
Speaker D:It's.
Speaker D:No, it's.
Speaker D:I, I was more disappointed until Nick said the thing.
Speaker D:Like, I don't.
Speaker D:Like, Nick is a fucking conduit of magic.
Speaker D:Like, I. I don't know what to say.
Speaker D:Like, so, no, I feel.
Speaker D:I feel more secure than I felt when I.
Speaker D:When I spoke two minutes ago.
Speaker B:Okay, cool.
Speaker B:I also, like, still love and honor and have space and time for any parts of you that maybe don't feel great about it.
Speaker D:How about my shoulders?
Speaker B:Lots of love and space and time for those shoulders.
Speaker D:Sweet.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker B:I'm gonna pee.
Speaker A:Oh, Andre, you're on mute.
Speaker C:I'm on mute.
Speaker C:Oh, I said, Quinn, I missed what you and Kelsey were saying to each other.
Speaker D:Oh, just.
Speaker D:I. Nick.
Speaker D:Nick.
Speaker D:Saying what they thought made me feel infinitely more at peace.
Speaker C:So.
Speaker D:Yeah, I, I.
Speaker C:Yeah, that's an interesting way of, of capturing.
Speaker D:I just, I mean, around like a chicken with my head cut off.
Speaker D:And I, like, I just, I get very stressed when I have to travel anyway.
Speaker D:So.
Speaker D:Like, when I have to travel, I, like, don't eat and I, like, don't sleep the night before.
Speaker D:I keep, like.
Speaker D:Yeah, it's so.
Speaker D:Yeah.
Speaker D:But no, I feel, I feel so much better about it.
Speaker D:So I am like, I'm super down.
Speaker D:Especially, like, uh, I get.
Speaker D:I get scarcity.
Speaker D:Like, my not self gets very scarcity based about things too.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker D:So, yeah, that's just what was happening.
Speaker D:But like, seriously, like, the, the.
Speaker D:The.
Speaker D:If we're gonna go with a mom metaphor here, the, the pacifier has been put in my mouth, and the pacifier is that we're gonna have another conversation later.
Speaker D:And also that I'm listening.
Speaker D:And also I might just throw this into my phone so I can still.
Speaker D:After I, like, have to leave my.
Speaker B:I was also thinking that can, like, you be involved to whatever extent you want to be.
Speaker B:And we'll just be here, I think.
Speaker C:Yeah, I think we should.
Speaker C:Oh, we're still recording.
Speaker B:I stopped and restarted.
Speaker C:So perfect.
Speaker C:I feel like this is all part of the episode because it's just like, what happened.
Speaker C:What I experienced in that moment was like, oh, we've got two manifestors that both are like, I want.
Speaker C:And then everyone else was like, what are we going to do?
Speaker C:It was actually really funny because I feel like maybe it's also a defined ego thing, but I find myself constantly in your experience, Kelsey, of like, this is what I want.
Speaker C:And, like, yeah, I just simply do not want to do something different.
Speaker B:But there's, like.
Speaker B:There's like, the emotional component on top of that, though, is like, yeah, not all the time, but many moments in my wave, it's like, this is what I want, but, like, there's a.
Speaker B:There's muck enough here for, like, other people's input and direction to help move into the alchemy.
Speaker B:But you know, what I wanna say, like, kind of up top here is that I've been, like, angry lately.
Speaker B:Like, I'm in an angry mood.
Speaker B:And I think that's part of why I want to connect with manifestors right now.
Speaker B:And, like, maybe.
Speaker B:Maybe literal motherhood will come into play, considering Steph and Aaron Dear and I, who are literal moms, are the ones who might have a little more capacity for airtime as Quinn, like, hangs around and travels to the airport.
Speaker B:But I think there's this other conversation that Erin, Deira and I have kind of been having online, kind of etherically about resource and reciprocity that is connected to the moment of contraction that I'm having that when I read Steph's suggested topic of, like, hold on, I want to actually look at it instead of just, sorry, I wasn't prepared to read it aloud in the moment I started the sentence Steph suggested as a potential manifesto topic.
Speaker B:I'd like to talk about the role of initiation and the value of it.
Speaker B:That struck a chord with the stuff that I'm working through right now, stuff I'm revisiting.
Speaker B:Like, old stuff that I'm revisiting.
Speaker B:And it also feels like, do all three of us have ego, tribal definition?
Speaker B:Me, Arindira, Steph, and you.
Speaker B:Yeah, hold on.
Speaker B:Sorry.
Speaker B:I'll look at your stuff.
Speaker B:But, yeah, there's just, like, something around that that I feel like I kind of want to process and talk about.
Speaker B:And I don't know.
Speaker B:Yeah, that feels.
Speaker B:Yeah, we do.
Speaker B: You both have the: Speaker B:So it feels like, yeah, ego defined manifestors whose work is very intertwined with what we initiate.
Speaker B:Um, like, that feels like part of what.
Speaker B:What's alive in me today that wants to be worked out a little bit and, like, not even worked out.
Speaker B:Like, I don't even know if I'm in a place to work it out.
Speaker B:I think I'm just in A place where I'm, like, wanting to be honest about some of the shit I'm feeling right now and be witness in it and be validated in it.
Speaker C:You wanna tell us why you're angry?
Speaker B:Um.
Speaker B:Oh, God, not even really.
Speaker B:Um, but I think.
Speaker B:Yeah, I think part of what I wanted to say is, like, I might be wrong and maybe you can.
Speaker B:Yeah, I'm, like, hesitant to.
Speaker B:Ooh, the recording button's been pressed.
Speaker B:I just.
Speaker B:Yeah, I was wondering if that would be a topic that would even, like, speak to you that much, Quinn.
Speaker B:Like, I was just wondering if that would even be as relevant for you as it might be for Aaron Dear and Steph.
Speaker B:And I, like, specifically the part of, like, being resource, initiating in community and being valued as an initiator and, like, our work being all tied up in this.
Speaker B:And probably there's ways that it's relevant for you, Quinn, that I'm just not seeing as literally.
Speaker B:But I think that's part of why I was like, yeah, like what Aaron Dearest said when we were still full group of, like, there's a different conversation that's gonna happen between the four of us anyways.
Speaker D:Absolutely.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker B:Do I wanna tell you what I'm angry about?
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker B:So I think what maybe is actually just happening is that I'm naturally ebbing right now.
Speaker B:And I'm, like, expected to.
Speaker B:But really, it's just expecting myself to continue to, like, show up and engage in both ongoing things that I've initiated and new things that are coming while I feel myself needing a little bit of an ebb.
Speaker B:And so, for the most part, I've, like, set things up for myself to be able to have that freedom when I need it.
Speaker B:But I am in a little bit of a contracted moment in terms of money for the first time in a few months.
Speaker B:And it's, like, nothing surprising.
Speaker B:I knew this would come at this point, but it's like that happening at the same time as me feeling like I have a lot of things I'm supposed to respond to and a lot of things I'm supposed to keep up with, and a lot of things I'm supposed to be putting energy into for future initiations and future opportunities to receive resource.
Speaker B:It's, like, compounding in this moment because it's activating this narrative, this old narrative that is not gone, but that is largely alchemized, but that's back in a very pointy, potent way right now of why can't I just be paid for the impact that I have in a way that resources me when I also need to rest.
Speaker B:Yeah, like, that's the anger I'm feeling, and it's nobody's fault and it's my own to work through, but it's like, back in the last couple of days in a way that I haven't faced it in a while.
Speaker B:And.
Speaker B:Oh, I think part of.
Speaker B:Yes, okay.
Speaker B:So my astrologer brain, there was part of me that was having my own version of scarcity to match your version of it that was showing up Quinn.
Speaker B:That was like, today's the last day of sun in library, which is a lot about reciprocity.
Speaker B:And it is my 11th house, so it feels like that energy of, like, there's something here for me to grab and look at.
Speaker B:And as the sun moves into Scorpio, it's my 12th house, so it's like, I'm gonna be revisiting it really directly from the realm of my shadow stuff.
Speaker B:But right now, it's in my 11th house, and I kind of just want to be angry about the role I play in community and my ability to receive in that.
Speaker B:Like, that's the thing that wants to be experienced today.
Speaker B:And I think I'm also practicing, like, acknowledging the sanctity and the wisdom and the truth in the parts of my process that aren't the, like, very neutral, sage, wise, detached person.
Speaker B:So I think, yeah, like, also just wanting to, like, consent to talking to you all and being witnessed, like, in lack, in scarcity, in anger, and even maybe sharing that.
Speaker B:Like, there's something about that that felt juicy to me, too.
Speaker B:So that's where some of my urgency was coming from, is like, I'll probably feel so differently tomorrow, but I kind of want to capture this part.
Speaker C:Yeah, no, I. I'm.
Speaker C:I resonate with that.
Speaker C:And a little bit, like, in this moment, it feels alive as well.
Speaker C:Because, you know, this, like, program that I launched a couple of weeks ago, attending the revolt, was set to start tomorrow, and I made zero sales on this launch.
Speaker C:So, like, no one signed up.
Speaker C:And so I've been thinking a lot, and there's so many other pieces about that.
Speaker C:But, yeah, I have been thinking about, like, I. I also know that this thing, this theme that I brought up is going to, like, pop off in, like, two years.
Speaker C:I know it because that's what always happens.
Speaker C:Like, the thing that I'm working on right now is, like, people are either too nervous or don't understand it or, like, haven't experienced it yet.
Speaker C:So it doesn't feel, like, alive and relevant for them.
Speaker C:And so they're like, well, that's just like, not something I want to pay you for.
Speaker C:But in two years, like, it's all it's going to be, you know, in the collective consciousness.
Speaker C:And I'm this, like, my energy is not going to be there and I'm going to be like, okay.
Speaker C:But like, like I'm.
Speaker C:I don't know, I don't want to say I'm like constantly fighting for resource, but I'm like, I just wish you would trust me enough to like, do the thing with me now versus waiting.
Speaker C:You know, it's like I've got everyone's best interests at heart here.
Speaker C:Like, I'm not like, I don't know.
Speaker C:That's kind of what's coming up for me is like, I have, like, I have something for you all and I think it's like, really, really great.
Speaker B:And.
Speaker C:And you all have your own experiences that you're moving through right now.
Speaker C:And it's no's.
Speaker C:Like, they're just no's, nos no's.
Speaker C:And that's fine on this like, like, who are all in our own processes, like, level.
Speaker C:But it's like, but I also need to, like, pay for things, you know, like, how am I meant to pay for things when.
Speaker C:And then I've been thinking about this too, of like, we have a. I don't know, I hear a lot of like, we're like, meant to make money through our urges.
Speaker C:And I'm like, I don't know if that's true.
Speaker C:Like, I don't actually think we get resourced through our urges.
Speaker A:Because I've had.
Speaker C:A lot of urges that just like I have received no resource for.
Speaker C:And that doesn't mean that they weren't valuable.
Speaker C:And like, I didn't learn things and I didn't gain things.
Speaker C:But like, financial resource does not always come from our urges.
Speaker C:And I just wish we talked about.
Speaker A:That a little bit more.
Speaker C:I don't know if that's relevant to what you were experiencing, Kelsey, but that's very relevant.
Speaker B:Yeah, I have two things coming up, but.
Speaker B:Steph, do you have anything at your throat?
Speaker A:I do.
Speaker A:Just the.
Speaker A:This systemic.
Speaker A:You know, this has been, I don't know, as I sit with it kind of curiously, I'm like, okay, what we value so far is so in line with like, completion and like the, the generator, big surprise.
Speaker A:And no, no shade to the generators.
Speaker A:But the, like the world.
Speaker A:This is how capitalism is set up, right?
Speaker A:It is a project like start to finish.
Speaker A:There is a something you take away.
Speaker A:There Is, you know, there is this like that sort of exchange.
Speaker A:So like I don't know as I can because I'm with you so 100%.
Speaker A:And when I'm like, okay, I'm taking a step back and getting a little curious here.
Speaker A:Like, okay, what, how would it need to look different?
Speaker A:You know, what are we talking, what are we talking about here?
Speaker A:Like in terms of dis.
Speaker A:I mean, dismantling.
Speaker A:I don't know if we have those ideas yet.
Speaker A:I bet it'll come from, from manifestors.
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:So there's.
Speaker B:Okay, there's something I want to name that's like I put it in the chat here to hold it and I phrased it as self responsibility binary.
Speaker B:I think I want to name this as like a way to permiss myself and maybe you, Aaron Dear, it if you need it.
Speaker B:And Steph extends to you as well and Quinn too, if we're going to catch anything from your voice today.
Speaker B:Like, I know that this is my stuff.
Speaker B:Like, I know the world doesn't actually owe me anything.
Speaker B:And I know that the more in alignment I am with my own truth and the more I prioritize peace, the closer and closer I'm going to get to experience like versions of reciprocity in my work life, in my communities that are right for me.
Speaker B:Like, I know that that's an internal alchemy thing and I.
Speaker B:That is the main lens through which I observe it in my life.
Speaker B:And I have gained a lot of.
Speaker B:I mean, go listen to episode five or whatever it is.
Speaker B:Trust is the resources that.
Speaker B:Episode six, episode five, Episode five.
Speaker B:Like I believe that shit, you know, so that's like, that's, that's inside of me is I know this is my curriculum and this is what's coming up right now.
Speaker B:And in order for me to alchemize that, I have to look at it.
Speaker B:And I also am like, I want to destigmatize the anger a little bit and like de.
Speaker B:Stigmatize these parts of the process.
Speaker B:So I just want to.
Speaker B:Yeah, I want to name that.
Speaker B:That it's like not as black and white as like this is my stuff, internal alchemy.
Speaker B:My external world literally mirrors my internal stuff around this.
Speaker B:And so I'm talking also very plainly and realistically about what is actually happening in my life.
Speaker B:But yeah, I am gonna probably at some points it's gonna come out of my voice in a way that suggests is critical of how people receive me.
Speaker B:And there's some truth in that.
Speaker B:Two.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:And I do have the agency to, like, work through that.
Speaker B:And I have watched myself alchemize this shit and see it change, and I'm just in, like, a moment of contraction around that, which means there's something to look at here.
Speaker B:And part of looking at it and alchemizing it is, like, letting the energy move through me.
Speaker B:And I also kind of see this in.
Speaker B:In a way as informing too, right?
Speaker B:Like, this is what.
Speaker B:This is what some manifestors are feeling.
Speaker B:You know, like, let it be known.
Speaker B:Let it be known that this is part of our experience.
Speaker B:So, yeah, I wanted to name that up front, what I'm calling the self responsibility binary.
Speaker B:And what's connected to this?
Speaker B:Maybe a little.
Speaker B:The other thing I was thinking of is, like, this.
Speaker B:It's like a consumption thing.
Speaker B:Like, I get feedback a lot, and I notice this a lot.
Speaker B:I watch this a lot that, like, people take me in really intensely for a moment, and then they go integrate for a long time.
Speaker B:And I've said this even, like, inside collaboratory before.
Speaker B:I've said this in a lot of places, like, manifester cross of upheaval.
Speaker B:Like, I'm not for everyday programming.
Speaker B:Like, I'm for periods in your life or days in your life when something needs to get, like, fucked up a little bit and cleaned up through the.
Speaker B:The destabilization.
Speaker B:And I just.
Speaker B:There's just this part of me that's like, but I exist on the other days, too.
Speaker B:Like, I'm still here on the other days.
Speaker B:And those long periods of integration that are happening for people, like, I need to eat those days too.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker B:Like, there's something about the impact up front that I.
Speaker B:Like, I.
Speaker B:It's not even just that I can't show up regularly, consistently.
Speaker B:It's that, like, we don't need that.
Speaker B:Like, we don't want to live in a world where everybody's experiencing this kind of upheaval and impact every day.
Speaker B:But, like, how do I then get.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Fed in a way that reflects the rhythms that are correct.
Speaker B:And I do think, like.
Speaker B:Like, collaboratory is a very, like, direct way that I'm kind of experimenting with that because I'm like.
Speaker B:Like, I, like.
Speaker B:Okay, the thought I skipped is I have to set up then the terms that are right for me.
Speaker B:Like, it's not anyone else's responsibility to manage me still getting paid on the days I'm not on their Instagram feed or on the days there's no new podcast.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Like, that's for me to manage.
Speaker B:And I am kind of trying to figure that out.
Speaker B:But to Steph's point, there's not a whole lot of structures that I understand or that I've, like, found available to me to tend to that.
Speaker B:Like, I like podcasting.
Speaker B:How the do I make money from that?
Speaker B:Like, I have a Patreon.
Speaker B:I'm trying to experiment with it and be playful about it.
Speaker B:But, like, even with my intention to not promise a frequency of exchange, like, it still is, like, clunky.
Speaker B:I'm still, like, getting myself caught up in, like, much more homogenized, but also kind of specifically generator ways of trading resource.
Speaker B:So anyways, all of this to say, like, collaboratory is a way that I'm experimenting with that because I'm like, I'm going to start something, you guys.
Speaker B:I'm going to start something, and I don't know where it's going to go, but I'm going to get paid for starting it.
Speaker B:And that is essentially what is happening in collaboratory.
Speaker B:So it's like, yeah, I'm trying.
Speaker B:I'm trying to experiment with it, trying to honor that.
Speaker B:Like, part of the value that I bring is, like, an intense initiation and find ways to take responsibility for, like, making sure that I receive what I need in order to offer that.
Speaker C:Yeah, I think what's coming up for me is like, something about imagination.
Speaker C:It's like something with, like, what you just said, Steph, something that Quinn just put in the chat here about manifest your timing is perfect and setting yourself up for success in two years.
Speaker B:That.
Speaker C:Like, I think we have.
Speaker C:I don't know, maybe I'm experiencing something that's like a little meta.
Speaker C:It's like, okay, we have these initiations about, like, a particular topic, but also what we're trying to do is like, I think I wonder for myself if, like, the.
Speaker C:I'm still trying to fit these initiations into models that are for generators.
Speaker C:And that's obviously, like, it doesn't work.
Speaker C:So, like, the initiation's gonna fall flat because, like, generators just.
Speaker C:So, like, what I really need is just.
Speaker C:I, like, have a totally different system that.
Speaker C:Yeah, that does allow me to, like, plant a seed right now and then reap the harvest when I need the harvest.
Speaker C:I don't know.
Speaker C:But, like, that's just.
Speaker C:And that's also just, like, not capitalist, you know, that's like agricultural.
Speaker C:That's just like.
Speaker C:That's just land, you know?
Speaker C:Like, it doesn't operate in ways of, like, consumption.
Speaker C:Like the fruit.
Speaker C:Fruits when it wants to fruit.
Speaker C:And, like, it may not be when, like, you need it to be picked to send off to like fulfill your shipment.
Speaker C:Because, like, the tree's just like on a different schedule.
Speaker C:It's on its own schedule.
Speaker C:And so I think like, what I'm hearing is this like tension between like just like manifest your patterns and rhythms and then like the.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker C:That like we still live in this like, Maya world that does not know what.
Speaker C:I don't know.
Speaker C:I. I feel a little like fuzzy on that.
Speaker C:But it feels something about like the.
Speaker C:The responsibility is also to like have the imagination to do the thing in different ways.
Speaker C:And I think that's what you.
Speaker C:I mean, you said that Kelsey, when you initiated collaboratory is like, I want to play with different ways of doing things.
Speaker C:Like, I don't.
Speaker C:I don't know.
Speaker C:And that's.
Speaker C:I mean, we don't know.
Speaker C:There's no.
Speaker C:Everything that we do is just like a trial and error.
Speaker C:A bit like manifester experiments of like, is this the thing that's like.
Speaker C:I don't know.
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:Like when you, as you were speaking and talking about like the frame, the different, like trying to fit it into a system that's still not quite right.
Speaker B:Like, that's.
Speaker B:That is what I was thinking is like, what am I selling?
Speaker B:I'm selling initiation.
Speaker B:And I don't know that.
Speaker B:Like, okay, so like, can other people, can their imagination match mine where I'm like, you're not.
Speaker B:When you're opting into a one on one with me or like an experimentership with me or a group container with me, like collaboratory or even just being on my patreon, you are not getting a class.
Speaker B:Like, you're not getting a session.
Speaker B:You're getting initiated.
Speaker B:Like, you are get.
Speaker B:You are beginning the next chapter of some shit in your process.
Speaker B:That's what I'm selling.
Speaker B:And I'm like, I have a lot of stuff come up that's like, is that okay?
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker B:Like, my ego knows that my Ajna is very afraid.
Speaker B:Will people be able to see that?
Speaker B:What will people project onto me for charging what I charge for saying this about my work?
Speaker B:Because anybody can say this about their work, you know, But I have to like, trust myself that this is the thing that I'm selling.
Speaker B:And I was like so scared to launch collaboratory because I didn't know if it was okay for me to say, I want to be your peer and I want to make something with you, but I also want to be paid for the stuff that I know I will bring to this exchange.
Speaker B:And that fear is still with me.
Speaker B:But you all showed up for it.
Speaker B:So in the case of you, all your imagination was able to meet me there.
Speaker B:There's something in you, consciously or otherwise, that agreed to the terms.
Speaker B:Yeah, I don't really know where I'm going with this, except.
Speaker B:Yeah, I guess, like, the thing coming up for me right now is like, okay, there's a knot here that's like, wanting to surface and that I'm wanting to be a little angry about and move some energy through my throat about, but it's not new, it's familiar, and I'm not actually in a stagnant place with it.
Speaker B:Like, I am working through it.
Speaker B:Like, collaboratory is a way that I'm really actively working through this and, like, giving myself permission to see what it feels like to be.
Speaker B:Be the.
Speaker B:Be my own.
Speaker B:Like, what's it called when people.
Speaker B:I don't know, like, be my own.
Speaker B:Like, merchandiser.
Speaker B:That's not the right metaphor.
Speaker B:But, like, yeah, it's my responsibility to know what I'm selling and know my value and set up those terms.
Speaker B:And I. I am doing that.
Speaker B:But, yeah, let me stop, because I've.
Speaker B:I've got.
Speaker B:I've lost my way a little bit.
Speaker A:This is really important.
Speaker A:I.
Speaker A:This is.
Speaker A:You know, I remember back in Lyd having the feeling after listening especially to the projector, the.
Speaker A:The lecture by Ra on the projectors, and I had this moment of, like, oh, my God, we all need to know about human design.
Speaker A:We all need to know about the different roles that we play, because this is a really hard thing to see.
Speaker A:So I think that this conversation is important, so I want to go maybe a little bit deeper with, like, okay, what exactly is initiation?
Speaker A:Why do we need it?
Speaker A:And I know you've done a really beautiful explanation of that too, Kelsey, in terms of, like, what it is that you do, right?
Speaker A:Like, you get things started, right?
Speaker A:Like, you light the fire that will, you know, we.
Speaker A:We, we, we.
Speaker C:Right?
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker C:So, yeah.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:And I think that there is.
Speaker A:I feel that in my own system, too, like, anger.
Speaker A:Good friend, dear friend is here to, you know, have people listen, you know, like, listen to us when we're so.
Speaker A:I don't know, I feel a little bit of that energy in my own system of just, like, I want people to know.
Speaker A:And I think it is a little bit tight.
Speaker A:It's a little bit burdened right now.
Speaker A:What it feels like in me is, like, it is a little burdened with the whole, like, so that we can be.
Speaker A:So that we can get our needs met here, so that we can have.
Speaker A:Have the resource and there's another little tangential thing.
Speaker A:I'll just write it down because maybe any of you want to pick up on that too.
Speaker B:Keep going, keep going.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:The tangential thing is also, as you were saying too, Kelsey, of like the.
Speaker A:It is an inside job to examine.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:Like, I was so moved by your YouTube in your episode plus Maru of the Trust, the resource.
Speaker A:It did bring me back, right?
Speaker A:It did bring me back to like, oh yes, you know.
Speaker C:And from the.
Speaker A:You know, I have to hustle and I have to sell and I have to make money to like, present moment.
Speaker A:What is it that I have right now?
Speaker A:You know, so that is a place that, like, it just helped me the other day when I heard it to come back to, like.
Speaker A:Right, right.
Speaker A:The resource is actually me living so much in alignment I do receive.
Speaker A:It's not like it's also going to look really different for each of us.
Speaker A:It is going to be like, I've noticed some magical shit, you know, as I've started to live with peace as my priority, more and more I have been like, surprised.
Speaker A:I've been like, okay, let me look at my bank account.
Speaker A:I am literally not bringing in nearly as much money as I had been and I feel better.
Speaker A:So I don't know, there's that tangential of like it is both.
Speaker A:It is like I want to do this work inside myself and I want to inform on like what it.
Speaker A:Who am I?
Speaker A:What do I, what do I bring, you know.
Speaker C:And.
Speaker A:You know, I feel like as other, you know, as everybody or the possibility is that as folks, you know, as more and more and more and more of us understand, we, you know, we've got to decondition.
Speaker A:We're still in the process of this deconditioning, which we will be probably for a long time of like homogenized.
Speaker A:We all have to be, you know, we have to do it all on our own.
Speaker A:We have to do every piece of it, you know, you know, to really be able to recognize like, oh, wow, here's the cool, unique role.
Speaker A:I think that we also have probably some internalized inferiority complex that probably keeps us locked into the schema that like, we can't make money doing what we do and possible.
Speaker A:I think it's also possible that like, ah, I don't know if there's a total, you know, I don't know if we're going to be able to hack capitalism as it is.
Speaker A:I do feel like it's a breakdown.
Speaker A:Go ahead, Aaron dear.
Speaker C:Yeah, that's just like, that's Just what's bubbling is, like, like, recalling myself saying, like, the only reason it's a struggle is because I'm, like, trying to make this work under capitalism.
Speaker C:And then, like, this idea of, okay, like, just the idea of, like, dismantling capitalism can feel so daunting.
Speaker C:And, you know, one of the things I like to talk about in my work is, like, it's actually not.
Speaker C:I mean, yes, I think there's, like, big moves that we can make, but it also, like, happens on, like, a very, like, personal level.
Speaker C:And so, like, what is it that I can do to dismantle capitalism?
Speaker C:Well, that's tied to new imaginations.
Speaker C:And I love what you said, Kelsey.
Speaker C:I just wrote it down, like, alongside this, like, idea of consumption.
Speaker C:Is that, like, whatever.
Speaker C:I think we sell regardless of capitalism, but, like, selling an initiation is like a framing of my offerings as the beginning of your journey versus selling completion, selling a product, or selling something to be consumed.
Speaker C:And I think, like, what we do is, like, we're like, you can't actually consume the thing that I do.
Speaker C:It's because it's not meant to be, because it's actually not even a product.
Speaker C:So it actually doesn't work with capitalism because capitalism functions under consumption, and it functions because we have, like, products that then, like, I need in order to get to, like.
Speaker C:Like it.
Speaker C:Yeah, it just, like, functions on these.
Speaker C:Like, on objectification.
Speaker C:And, like, what we do is not really an object to be, like, consumed.
Speaker C:It's like an experience that has to be moved through.
Speaker C:And, like, I think most people are afraid of, like, being moved and are afraid of the experience of change and are afraid because, like, that would just destabilize everything.
Speaker C:It would destabilize capitalism.
Speaker C:It would destabilize Empire.
Speaker C:And then people would be like, what the fuck?
Speaker C:Like, where is my footing?
Speaker C:Where could I stand?
Speaker C:And so I don't know where I'm going with that other than to say it's like, I actually do think it's our responsibility to, like, be like, okay, I guess I'm selling initiation.
Speaker C:So then what does that mean?
Speaker B:Yeah, I just.
Speaker B:You said, I don't know where I'm going with that.
Speaker B:And I'm just like, yeah, a bunch of manifestors getting on a podcast.
Speaker B:We don't know where we're going, but we fucking know what's not working.
Speaker B:And isn't that kind of what the manifester is?
Speaker B:It's like, yeah, resistance.
Speaker B:Resistance burst through it.
Speaker B:Like, we're creating new pathways that don't exist.
Speaker B:So it's Like, I remember Alok at one point saying manifestors were like the plumbers.
Speaker B:It is a thankless job.
Speaker B:We're un, we're unplugging everyone's shit.
Speaker B:Like, we don't get forward without initiation.
Speaker B:Like, it, it's needed.
Speaker B:And I'm thinking, like, I keep thinking about my power view.
Speaker B:Like, Power view is part of why I wanted to have that conversation with you and Maru and because like, power view is third color.
Speaker B:Like the third line finds out what works and what doesn't.
Speaker B:The third color sees what works and what doesn't.
Speaker B:And guess what doesn't work?
Speaker B:Capitalism.
Speaker B:Power view sees very clearly the fucked up power dynamics of it.
Speaker B:And I think that's why, like, that's connected to why I have this sense of urgency that's like, hey, I need you, everybody to fucking calibrate to satisfaction, peace, success and surprise, because that will be what works.
Speaker B:And I know, like, like to what you were speaking to Steph of, like, well, both of you have.
Speaker B:But like this.
Speaker B:Well, we exist in the not self world.
Speaker B:Well, like, I'm not gonna be fed in the not self world, right?
Speaker B:And you're not gonna be fed.
Speaker B:Not just manifesters.
Speaker B:Like, you don't have power in this world either.
Speaker B:So yeah, I'm like that, that episode trust is the resource.
Speaker B:Like, that's why I get lit up about this stuff, is because I'm like this person.
Speaker B:Like, everybody has to divest.
Speaker B:Like, you have to divest.
Speaker B:People need to divest from those structures in order to like, like whatever we're doing with collaboratory, we don't really know exactly the end goal yet, but we know at some point, we think at some point we're going to be inviting people to invest in our creations in some way.
Speaker B:I was just thinking about this on my walk this morning.
Speaker B:Like, I threw the number to the group a couple days last week of like, if the eight of us can get a hundred people to pay a hundred dollars.
Speaker B:And on my walk, like, for something that we create, on my walk I was like, what the fuck am I talking about?
Speaker B:A hundred dollars?
Speaker B:Like, I need people to fucking put their money where their mouth is.
Speaker B:Do you want to invest in realness?
Speaker B:Do you want to invest in art?
Speaker B:Do you want to invest in authenticity?
Speaker B:Do you want to invest in truth?
Speaker B:Like, fucking do that.
Speaker B:Like, look at how much money we're blowing on bullshit, self included, like every day, you know?
Speaker B:And like, I'm not.
Speaker B:No blame or shame there.
Speaker B:Like, I fucking need my Netflix at the end of the night.
Speaker B:Like, I Need it.
Speaker B:It's like it's like necessary to my survival and like, yeah, like I'm, I'm impatient.
Speaker B:I.
Speaker B:Another eloquism, like anger and impatience are the same frequency.
Speaker B:I was able to connect to anger a lot more when I realized, when I started to clock it as impatient.
Speaker B:Like I am impatient looking out at the world and what I see through my power view and seeing how many people I can feel you.
Speaker B:I can see you watching me.
Speaker B:I can feel you.
Speaker B:I can see you metabolizing the shit that, that is initiated in your own system through observing my life and hearing my words.
Speaker B:And like that is on a lot of days that is enough for me, you know, like, like feeling my impact and feeling my peace and like feeling so validated in my own sense of like I am doing the work that feels right to me and the way that feels right to me.
Speaker B:And then there's other days where I'm kind like there's other days like what these, this last week or so has felt like where I like can't help but, but experience the, the depth of like impatience because I just see so much struggle, so much power imbalance and struggle that I do not think needs to be there.
Speaker B:And I, I do like coming back to everything I was saying up top.
Speaker B:Like I do understand that like, like grid work, like personal alchemy is grid work.
Speaker B:So like I'm, I'm in my, I'm doing it, I'm holding my part down.
Speaker B:Like I'm on it, I'm in it.
Speaker B:And are you, are you guys.
Speaker B:Because I'm getting a little, like some days I'm a little impatient.
Speaker B:What are you spending your time on?
Speaker B:What are you spending your money on?
Speaker B:Who are you resourcing?
Speaker A:Powerful heresy right there.
Speaker B:And I like, I'm like, I want to offer like an actual thing and then I'm like I've offered so many actual things.
Speaker B:Like I have my fucking living your design curriculum out there for free.
Speaker B:I was listening to my, I listened to one of my episodes this morning and I like heard my current mid roll ad.
Speaker B:Like I can like update the ads and I was like, I don't like this, I don't like it.
Speaker B:I'm like trying to get people to pay me and I'm like telling them what they get if they join my patreon and it doesn't feel right because I don't want, I can't do this exchanged based thing.
Speaker B:Like I need to get paid for the impact that I'm having and then I need to not feel like I have to keep showing up and, like, pretending to offer you something in exchange when the impact, the initiatory impact is the thing you get, and then you are going to metabolize it.
Speaker B:Pay me.
Speaker B:You know, and, like, I'm uncomfortable saying this because this isn't how I feel all the time.
Speaker B:And this is like, this is desire transference in large part, you know, But I'm like, there are.
Speaker B:There's like, I. I want.
Speaker B:I want it.
Speaker B:I want to.
Speaker B:I put my living your design podcast out because it was It.
Speaker B:It felt right to me, and I'm glad it's out there.
Speaker B:And I'm like, can I get paid for it?
Speaker B:Like, thousands of people are tuning into this.
Speaker B:I don't want to beg.
Speaker B:I don't wanna, Like, I don't wanna try to create some kind of frequency of exchange that doesn't, like, I just want to get paid for the impact of that.
Speaker B:And I don't even wanna get paid in a way that's like.
Speaker C:Pay me.
Speaker B:I literally just wanna, like, know I'm gonna be okay.
Speaker B:Continuing to create the way and be generous the way I want to.
Speaker B:Which I guess brings me back to, like, I do know I'm gonna be okay.
Speaker B:Like, actually, I do know I'm gonna be okay.
Speaker B:You know, Like, I know I'm gonna be okay.
Speaker B:I'm just at the moment that I come to, you know, it used to be monthly, and now it's more like two or three times a year where I'm like, oh, I see the deadline in the near future when the money will run out, and I trust with my rhythm that, like, something else will come, I guess.
Speaker B:And every time something else comes, it's a.
Speaker B:It is.
Speaker B:It does feel even better.
Speaker B:Like, Collaboratory feels like the best version of my work that I've set up to this day.
Speaker B:And, yeah, I'm just needing this moment again.
Speaker B:And this moment is also true.
Speaker B:This moment also holds, like.
Speaker B:Holds truth in it as well.
Speaker A:Yeah, it does.
Speaker B:Hurry the fuck up, you guys.
Speaker A:Somebody needs to hear that.
Speaker A:I mean, somebody will hear that and be moved, and a lot of people will hear it and not be able to hear it.
Speaker A:Here's my.
Speaker A:Here's my take on that is because of shame.
Speaker A:Here's my.
Speaker A:Here's my therapist take on it is like, I think why we.
Speaker A:Why we need all the.
Speaker A:All the other stuff that we're wasting our money on is because we have trouble feeling some of the.
Speaker A:Some of the stuff that hasn't been moved through.
Speaker A:And, you know, A lot of times, shame locks it into place.
Speaker A:I don't know, that might be a stretch.
Speaker A:Here's a part of me who's just like, oh, does that make sense to you guys?
Speaker C:No, I think it totally makes sense.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:I think.
Speaker C:Yeah, I think shame is spot on.
Speaker B:Well, I think it's like, who okay if.
Speaker B:If we're all feeling fucking stuck, you know, like, if a lot of people.
Speaker B:And like, okay, on the days that I'm not feeling this way, I actually get really annoyed when people say we're all so disempowered.
Speaker B:I'm like, no, we're not.
Speaker B:You know, so, like, all these things are true at once.
Speaker B:They're all true.
Speaker B:I'm feeling a little disempowered today, you know, but.
Speaker B:But most of the time I can find the power within the disempowerment.
Speaker B:But it's like, it's like there's like this lock.
Speaker B:There's like.
Speaker B:When I ask the question to Maru and Erendera on that episode, like, do you guys feel like we're at a tipping point?
Speaker B:Like, this is kind of what I was speaking to is like, there has to be a.
Speaker B:There's like a point at which maybe that's not true.
Speaker B:Like, maybe I'm thinking about this too simply, but all things are true.
Speaker B:So this is.
Speaker B:There's some truth here.
Speaker B:Like, there has to be a moment.
Speaker B:There's going to be a moment.
Speaker B:There can be a moment where, like, the investment in the powerlessness cracks.
Speaker B:And I think part of maybe what we're getting at is like, I don't think manifestors unilaterally are, like, who we have to thank for if and when that investment in the locked, locked into powerlessness cracks.
Speaker B:Oh, my gosh.
Speaker B:If you're following this, it's a miracle.
Speaker B:Good job.
Speaker B:Like, it's within everyone.
Speaker B:It's within everybody.
Speaker B:Like that power to divest and reinvest in truth, in self, in true power that is within each of us.
Speaker B:And I think there seems to be perhaps some commonality in some manifesto experiences of, like, somebody has to go first, right?
Speaker B:Like, I'm trying to go first.
Speaker B:I'm going first.
Speaker B:I'm not even trying.
Speaker B:It's not even a choice.
Speaker B:Like, this is just what I.
Speaker B:This is what I do, is I'm going first.
Speaker B:I'm creating possibility, power, you know, where there wasn't.
Speaker A:And is the tipping point happening.
Speaker A:I. I believe we might know in hindsight more so than be able to feel it now.
Speaker A:And to me, it feels like a very much like, whoa, here we are.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Like we're gonna, we're kind of on the mid, you know, on the fence right now and we're dipping in and out and yeah, it's, it's here you've, you know, that's apparent like that, that's the, you know, the energy.
Speaker A:I think more people are going to be able to hear what we're saying here more than ever before.
Speaker A:And we're going first.
Speaker C:Yeah, I think the, the experience of like not being resourced for like your gifts to the world, I think that's, I think that's just human.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:Like we might feel anger but you know, there's so much frustration and bitterness and disappointment around us as well.
Speaker C:So it's.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Like we're talking about the manifester specific version of something that's entirely universal and not type specific.
Speaker B:Like.
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker C:And I do, I do wonder if we like, we have a very specific responsibility of saying, okay then, like what's like, you know, like what I shared.
Speaker A:About.
Speaker C:You know, this like, this launch not launching in the way that I, No, I, I actually honestly didn't have an imagination.
Speaker C:I really actually thought that this is what was going to happen.
Speaker C:I, I'm not surprised to get to.
Speaker C:And I'm not even like I have no anger about it because what happened is I learned so much about like different ways that I might want to move because I was like, this is, this actually doesn't feel right for me.
Speaker C:Like launching this product is actually not what like is not the way that I want to bring my gifts to the world because I, because it's everything that we've just said and I, and again, I don't actually think all of our urges are meant to bring us financial resource.
Speaker C:I think they bring us resource.
Speaker C:And sometimes that's just wisdom.
Speaker C:Sometimes that's just knowing, you know, and that is a, that is a deep resource even like it's not usable under capitalism.
Speaker C:But that doesn't mean it's like unusable in like a different system where we are like humans in flow with one another.
Speaker C:And so yeah, I don't know, I do feel like every time we make a move towards an initiation, like we're gathering the wisdom that we all need collectively need in order to like bring bring new existences, new universes, new worlds and new realities into being.
Speaker C:And we just have like the unfortunate reality of like, you know, having the capacity to like just like touch the insides of ourselves and like bring that out.
Speaker C:Um, and I don't know, unfortunate fortunate I wouldn't change it.
Speaker C:But yeah, I think I do think it's a particular type of responsibility that we have.
Speaker C:And I have really struggled with that word responsibility because it has felt so heavy in the past.
Speaker C:Like it feels like.
Speaker C:I think I said this when, when I was like thinking about joining collaboratory to you, Kelsey, of like, responsibility feels like a burden.
Speaker C:Like, responsibility feels so heavy and.
Speaker A:I.
Speaker C:Don'T know, I don't know.
Speaker C:It's not feeling that way in this moment.
Speaker C:Like responsibility feels like, like a playground.
Speaker C:Like ah, like actually we get to play.
Speaker C:Like my responsibility is to play in the playground of, I don't know, the substance of the universe, to figure out like what we might be able to construct together.
Speaker B:Sixth color on sixth color there.
Speaker B:Versatile.
Speaker B:Innocence.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:I think what you're touching on that's like, yeah, it's a helpful reminder and reattunement for me that also feels tied into maybe the arc of some of this conversation and some of my alchemy throughout.
Speaker B:It is like, okay, first I'm gonna go go to like mechanics teacher that role for a second to articulate this point that like when we trust our bodies, trust is the resource, right?
Speaker B:When we calibrate to this trust in the self, whether you're looking at it as like, I trust my strategy, I trust my authority, I trust that I can prioritize signature in our case, peace above all, that's not aligning to us to success in the terms of capitalism, right?
Speaker B:It's aligning you to success in the terms of passenger consciousness.
Speaker B:Success in the terms of what your body wants you to move through, right?
Speaker B:And so this idea you're presenting is like resource, the resource of wisdom, the resource of play, the resource of like the experiential.
Speaker B:That's.
Speaker B:That's it, you know, and that's like what I'm.
Speaker B:That's what I know.
Speaker B:That's what I teach.
Speaker B:That's what I believe.
Speaker B:Even in the moments where I like have to get in the weeds, like the, the understanding of that is peripheral.
Speaker B:It's right here.
Speaker B:I can see it, I can kind of feel it, but it's not the things surfacing through my body in that moment.
Speaker B:And I think like a lot of times those of us who are so extremely self aware and like when we have been attuned to this like, like aware, this level of awareness and this level of surrender, it can be really easy to shut down the experience moving through the body, right?
Speaker B:And so like, it's like, it's humbling for me every time I get back here, it's humbling for me every time I. I like, have to be a home to this part of me that's like, why can't I just be paid?
Speaker B:You know?
Speaker B:Like, it's humbling.
Speaker B:It's humbling.
Speaker B:And I don't think that I would be able to come back around to the understanding and to like, yeah, like revolve all the way back to that if I didn't let myself get off, you know, existential king style on the part of me that is having this experience.
Speaker B:Because that is God too, you know, that is true too.
Speaker B:That's why I kept saying, like, there's truth here too, you know, Like, I'm saying that for me.
Speaker B:I'm saying that for me because I do know better.
Speaker B:Actually, I do know better.
Speaker B:And that's the responsibility is that I do know better.
Speaker B:And I can say I'm having these feelings, I'm having this sense of under resourcedness and undervalued and I just wish everybody else would hurry up and get there.
Speaker B:I feel like I can can say that hear and I don't know about with listeners.
Speaker B:You know, as you said, Steph, like, some people will be able to hear it, some people won't.
Speaker B:But like, shame you mentioned is part of that.
Speaker B:Like, I'm learning to accept those parts of me and my experience too, as like necessary ingredients to keep coming back to the wholeness and the truth of the detachment and the trust and the surrender.
Speaker B:I don't access that, that trust and surrender over and over again through repressing these other parts that are ingredients in that alchemy.
Speaker B:And I think in this season for me, I'm learning to.
Speaker B:I accept those parts of me conceptually, but I don't always actually accept them fully.
Speaker B:And so part of lab partners for me and collaboratory for me is letting not.
Speaker B:It's not like letting people in on it.
Speaker B:Like I want to demonstrate it necessarily.
Speaker B:It's like letting myself be witnessed in that because I know that those parts of my process are how I get to the version of me that maybe is a more popular projection of me of like this innocent teacher of neutrality and wisdom.
Speaker B:Like, I get there and that is me, and I get there through the fulfillment of these like, things, moving this anger, moving through my body, like really letting that part of me have its moment, have its day.
Speaker B:So I don't think I'm like, done with this.
Speaker B:You know, I think I have like probably a few more days in my contraction mode.
Speaker B:But God, like, yeah, my heart Already feels different about it.
Speaker B:Just being able to talk about it and being able to hear like, Erin Deira, you bring me back.
Speaker B:Like you remind me like you and even the way all three of us were referring to this other conversation, like we attuned Steph to it when Steph lifts into our episode and then Steph's re attuning us to.
Speaker B:To it today.
Speaker B:You know, like.
Speaker B:But that, but it coming from people who I feel making space for my anger and my lower vibe shit too.
Speaker B:Like it hits different when I can like I can hear your reminder and it can get through to me because none of us are trying to dismiss the other stuff.
Speaker B:We're like, yep, that's there too.
Speaker B:Yep, that's human.
Speaker B:Yep.
Speaker B:That's understandable.
Speaker A:In fact, that's a resource.
Speaker C:Right?
Speaker A:Your anger is a resource and all of these parts of us are.
Speaker A:And I just had this like possibility, imagination thing happen where I was like, oh, wow.
Speaker A:What if we can start to understand these parts of us?
Speaker A:The wisdom, all that you were mentioning there too Arindira of like the deep resource and what if that could be slowly but surely like giving it more power than the money?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:And like that's, you know, maybe spy.
Speaker A:I don't know.
Speaker A:Just some like ideas started to pop of like oh, small communities.
Speaker A:Oh like, you know, we gotta rethink food and how it's tied to money.
Speaker A:We gotta like there's.
Speaker A:And there's creative, there's creativity available there.
Speaker A:But we, I didn't get there until we went all the way through.
Speaker A:Yeah, that and like gay and like, I don't know.
Speaker A:I'd like to thank your anger, Kelsey for initiating the conversation and all, you know, making space for our own.
Speaker A:I don't know to get.
Speaker A:Now I'm in a place of like oh yeah.
Speaker A:Possibility.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:I think in the next couple of weeks our listeners are going to hear more episodes on resource and exchange.
Speaker C:I know because I'm in the midst of some conversations around that as well.
Speaker C:But I do think like it's been really neat for me to be in collaboratory because I, you know, also just thinking about like Nick, Nick's reflection today.
Speaker C:It's their birthday and they just shared some beautiful.
Speaker B:Happy birthday, Nick.
Speaker C:Happy birthday, Nick.
Speaker B:Our libra reciprocity.
Speaker C:But this like sense of like what happens like with this self in community and like could you have moved through this like by yourself, Kelsey?
Speaker C:Absolutely.
Speaker C:Like you have like the capacity as like, you know, this like self aware individual to like move through it.
Speaker C:But like when you brought it to us, to community.
Speaker C:And you are willing to be like, I love this phrase from that first episode, body among bodies.
Speaker C:Like, the.
Speaker C:The transmutation just happens, like, maybe faster, deeper.
Speaker C:Like, it just, like it refracts in a different way.
Speaker C:And like, I don't know, I just.
Speaker C:I think something really powerful happens when we, when we do give ourselves space to imagine community in different ways.
Speaker C:Like, we open up in ourselves, in our own knowings, in.
Speaker C:In like, fuller ways that we might have gotten there on our own, but it might have taken longer, it might have just taken more struggle, you know, and so, yeah, there is some.
Speaker C:Some resource exchange that happens here, and it's not through money.
Speaker C:You know, I'm thinking about that as well.
Speaker C:And like, how you and Nick helped me with.
Speaker C:With the podcast for, you know, this, this launch of like, oh, yeah, I can't do it by myself.
Speaker C:Oh yeah.
Speaker C:Like, it's not this, like, transaction that happens, you know, like, and so even, like, when I share my.
Speaker C:An initiation, it's still.
Speaker C:I'm still framing it as a transaction.
Speaker C:So what happened?
Speaker C:Like, what would happen if I didn't frame it as a transaction?
Speaker C:I don't know.
Speaker C:All we have is transaction because, like, that's capitalism.
Speaker C:But, like, I don't know.
Speaker C:I do feel like we're starting to pull on some stuff and I think the resource and exchange thing is going to show up in the next couple of episodes because I think you're right, Steph.
Speaker B:Yeah, that seems right.
Speaker B:Yep.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker B:I feel like this conversation facilitated for me a hundred percent what it needed to thank you for.
Speaker B:Thank you for welcoming some anger, some not self.
Speaker B:And yeah.
Speaker B:Meeting me there and like, yeah, to be able to be, like, received in that and also trust that, like, the other parts of me are still recognized as well.
Speaker B:That's a really, really good feeling.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Final words?
Speaker C:None.
Speaker C:I feel good.
Speaker C:Thank you.
Speaker A:Thank you too.
Speaker A:And Quinn.
Speaker C:Yeah, Happy travels, Quinn.
Speaker C:Sa.
